Songtexte: Weird Al Yankovic. Running With Scissors. Jerry Springer.

It's been one week since we got to see
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, did you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who suckered punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee

Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance and date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry's next guest and it's a slugfest
'Cause it's her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack
It's like 'When Animals Attack'
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame
On the air they don't care, they've got no shame
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter feud
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer

Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
Oh, which one?
All of 'em
Oh, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake
Yeah, well, well me too
Oh!
And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie
Woofie, you bitch!
Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat
That goat doesn't love you

Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation, he's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication

It's totally worthless, like a bad check, it's like a train wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows but with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher everyday

If you've seen the show, well, then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's 'boom'
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
"Jerry, Jerry", now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise, when
Some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed a bunch of psychic
Porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger